Jokes you can tell in church

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Posted by John in Mich on January 11, 2018 at 18:22:05 [URL] [DELETE] :



Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out.
It's probably just your Dad..'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the colour
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers.
The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song,
they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon,
and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive,
I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
'What would you do if you had to arrest your
own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem..
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy
father and thy mother,' she asked,
'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
'Thou shall not kill..'

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny,
what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side.
I think I'm going to have a wife.'


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